My 3 Year Journey to Getting Pregnant

Everyone has a story. Often, it’s a narrative we didn’t ask for or choose – a chapter in one’s life he or she would prefer not to read out loud. I, however, am an open book with a narrative far different that what I had expected my pregnancy journey to look like, but it’s one that I hope can bring encouragement, hope and some wisdom to others that are in a similar chapter in their lives.

Here’s the quick timeline of things to catch us up to the year 2021:

October 2018 (29-years-old at the time) I decided to go off birth control after being on it for 10 years. I was someone who took a low-estrogen pill every day, without ever missing (very on brand for my personality), at the same time every day for those 10 years (even more on brand). I went off with the intention of “getting my hormones in a good spot” knowing Ryan and I wanted to start “trying” to have a baby the following year. I remember reading some research about the long-term effect of hormonal birth control at the time and it was while we were on a family trip in Miami that I told Ryan I was throwing out my pack of birth control.

13 months later, I finally got my period. I have a full blog post on How I Got My Period Back After 10+ Years on Birth Control that’s a good read.

But that wasn’t the end of this hormone journey. I started my period for the first time, 13 months after going off birth control – but my cycle was very abnormal. For about a year I would have a cycle every other month, some months it would only last 2 days – other months it would last 4-5 days.

 I was not ovulating though. That took another 6 months.

At this point in my journey, nothing about this was a pregnancy journey. This was a hormone journey. I realized early on that while I didn’t choose any of this, I could choose how I responded. Most months it felt like I was “failing” and I questioned “what was wrong with my body?” – but I knew being annoyed wasn’t going to serve me. After I got my period back but was having irregular periods, I put together a plan. I committed to acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, and supplements like Maca, Chaste Berry (Vitex) and Ashwagandha. I leaned into ancient food remedies. I added more foods into my diet that resembled a “blood” color (like beets and berries) to help with blood flow. I ate more avocados for a healthy dose of folic acid and to support my reproductive health. I incorporated other more healthy fats, like olives, coconut oil, nuts and seeds as a boost to my reproductive hormones. Sometimes I felt like a scientist and the science experiment all the same time in working with professionals but also doing my own research and trying new things to put my body in an optimal place to have a healthy cycle.

The hardest shift – purposefully gaining weight through adding in more calories, cutting back on workouts, changing my mindset around working out, and essentially CHANGING MY LIFE. The truth is, which no one (especially an athlete) who enjoys working out and likes the way they look wants to hear – if you are under nourishing your body, your workouts are putting too much stress on your body (sometimes unknowingly) and your body doesn’t have the energy it needs to support your reproductive system – your reproductive system is the first thing the body will shut off to conserve energy.

To make these changes, it came down to re-prioritizing my goals. I had always defined myself as an athlete and one to be able to challenge myself physically – and I slowly started learning that years of that mindset were what was going to equip me to handle what was my-now biggest challenge yet. I coached my way through this life change by telling myself, “Your goals are different now. Your effort and tenacity do not need to be though.” My number one goal now (at that point) was to be relentless in the pursuit of creating a body healthy for a baby – even if that meant doing things that felt uncomfortable. I decided now was a time to be selfless; there are many more years in my life where I could be selfish with my body.

It’s worth noting, research shows that men respond better to ‘intensity’ in a workout setting and women respond better to ‘volume’ and challenging themselves with weight, to garner the best results. So, if you take that knowledge and think about a woman who is focusing on intensity and is also vastly under-consuming the amount of protein, fats and carbs she needs to match her activity levels, that’s definitely a risky equation for upset hormones - which is definitely where I think I was at.

The hardest part in these lifestyle transitions was having patience. I had to dig for that deep within my faith. It’s hard to explain how and why – but I was never fearful of the worst possible scenario: not being able to get pregnant. I had faith in God’s plan, His timing and ultimately learned that through some of these painful months without seeing much progress towards my ultimate goal and seeing friends around me starting their families, that there was a purpose for His perfect timing.

My patience was tested a lot though – especially after consulting with a fertility specialist in late 2020. I could not have been happier with mine and Ryan’s decision in who we chose to connect with (Lauren Rubal, MD), but I do think we jumped the gun in meeting with her (I really think my body just was taking its sweet ass time in getting to a good place, hormonally) and that journey with her took a hard emotional toll on me. I had this innate feeling (and faith in my relationship with God) that my body could get there on its own, but being 31-years-old in a society that often labels that as “old” for optimal fertility, I was starting to get concerned and ultimately decided with Ryan to proceed with treatment. Twice. The second time - I thought we had won. I thought we were there. I took a pregnancy test and got a positive result, but when I went to get bloodwork done a couple days later my hCG levels were negative. I was experiencing a chemical miscarriage at 4 weeks. Maybe it’s because we supported this pregnancy with the help of hormones – taking Ovidrel hCG trigger shots to onset ovulation and taking progesterone all through my luteal phase (post-ovulation), but I remember feeling “off,” nauseous, had a loss of appetite and super fatigued, and then I just stopped feeling those feelings shortly after receiving the bloodwork results. I felt either pregnant or some nasty adverse effects to the hormones, and I felt a loss all within a week. Through that pain I reminded myself of God’s purpose. I chose to believe that wasn’t going to be a healthy baby and God needed us to wait a little longer. Coincidentally, I think that was exactly the truth.

After our chemical miscarriage, we went the route of getting Ryan checked out. In hindsight, this is something I wish we would have done in parallel with my journey. As a woman going through fertility treatment, it is easy to feel “broken” and to take on the burden of being the reason you and your significant other are not expecting – but it takes two to make a baby. I was so focused on me and my journey, but when Dr. Rubal suggested Ryan schedule an appointment with his doctor, we unlocked some valuable insights that I believe were a huge contributing factor to where we are at now: pregnant. This time, with bloodwork to confirm it.

This journey has taught me that adversity can be our greatest gift. Without it, I wouldn’t have this new, healthier relationship with fitness. I would have never been forced to take accountability for the stress I was putting on my body with my lifestyle. I wouldn’t have the stronger bond Ryan and I have now. I wouldn’t have the relationship with God I do now. Having faith in hard times is, well hard – but you’re not alone. This verse helped me a lot during the nearly 3 years of this journey: “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious hand.” Isaiah 41:10

My biggest win in life so far has been putting my heart and selfless soul into getting pregnant and now it feels like we’ve made it to the game.